Teaching · The Book of Her Life
Prayer, a converse of friendship
What prayer is, said by her in a single sentence.
“Mental prayer, in my opinion, is nothing else than a converse of friendship: being often alone with Him who we know loves us.”
Saint Teresa of Jesus — The Book of Her Life, ch. 8
To understand
To pray is to be with a Friend
Saint Teresa wrote this in the Book of Her Life, telling of her own years of struggle with prayer. She does not define prayer as a technique or as well-spoken words: she defines it as friendship. Being alone, many times, with Someone who already loves us.
That is why no one is left out. You do not need to know theology or feel extraordinary things: you need to come back, again and again, the way one returns to a friend. Faithfulness matters more than the feeling of the day.
The source
The Book of Her Life, chapter 8
Written around 1565. In this chapter the Saint confesses almost twenty years of dryness and distraction in prayer — and why she never abandoned it. From there comes this definition, one of the most quoted in all her work.
Another word of hers
“What I advise strongly is not to abandon prayer, for there one will understand what one is doing, and gain repentance before the Lord and strength to rise again.”
Saint Teresa of Jesus — The Book of Her Life, ch. 19
To pray and to teach
How to bring this teaching into prayer
This is how we use it in the prayer group; it works just as well for praying alone or as a family.
1
Read slowly
Read the text twice, aloud, without hurry. The second time, slower than the first.
2
Keep silence
A moment of silence. Let one word or phrase stay with each person.
3
Talk through the questions
Share unhurriedly and without debate: nothing is argued here — we share what God is showing us.
4
End with a resolution
Each person names one concrete step for the week, and you close with a prayer.
Questions to talk about
- What is my time alone with God like today: an obligation or a friendship?
- What makes me leave prayer when I leave it — and what makes me return?
- What would I say to someone who says “I don't know how to pray”?
For daily life
Three ways to practice it this week
1
Set aside a fixed time each day — even ten minutes — and treat it as an appointment with a Friend who is already waiting.
2
When you get distracted, do not scold yourself: return gently, like someone picking up a conversation again.
3
Always end the same way: give thanks for the company and tell Him what time you will return tomorrow.